Uh, God, I Think You Forgot Something...

It was exactly one week after I woke up and couldn't stand that Joe and I went to an adoption seminar to learn about the needs and types of adoption. This was for Joe's benefit, I had wanted to adopt since I could remember thanks to a Korean adopted cousin. (Hearts, Wendy). I knew I wanted to adopt and I knew I wanted it to be international. Joe was more nervous but open to the idea because he figured if God had put this desire that strongly on my heart there must be a reason. 

We left the meeting knowing we would adopt.

The following month we made our decision public and met with our social worker to begin our home study. I was having back pain at the time but saw no reason to mention it as I truly believed the pain was structural and would be cleared up after a few more Physical Therapy appointments. We marched forward fearlessly believing God would move mountains on behalf of whatever child He had waiting for us.

In December I finally began to admit to others that something was wrong with me and I was suffering from what could now be coined "chronic pain." This was when things got weird. Well intentioned Christians began to tell me that Satan hates adoption and He was attacking me because we were adopting. I was told my health was being attacked because, as a personal trainer, my health mattered more to me than most and Satan attacks where it hurts. I was told God would rescue in the 11th hour, that He's rarely early but He's never late. Essentially all of these messages made it sound like my health problems were adoption problems, Satan coming out to attack because we were adopting. And I grew to believe in this beautiful fairytale of the evil dragon Satan being slay by the white knight Jesus mere days before Princess Stephanie had to board her plane to India.

Our adoption journey was met with many snags. We had a new judge which delayed us bringing our precious SamyLynn home three months. I felt at peace because I thought it would give the new medication the time it needed to ease my suffering. The medication didn't work. Then things got held up again and we didn't know why but I was okay because I had a new medication to hope in. This medication also didn't work. We found out the court was on strike which was the reason for the long delay and was going to add more wait time yet. Another medication, another hope... In the back of my mind during the entire wait I kept thinking, "God, when are you going to fix this pain? I have to go to India to get my daughter. Now? Will it be now? You promised! I'm being faithful. I'm doing what you asked." 

We waited an unheard of 22 months after being matched with our sweet baby, more months than the age she was when we were first matched, before we were able to board the plane to pick up our daughter. During the entire wait, I thought the delays were so I could heal because others had eluded to this being some sort of spiritual battle. But when I boarded the plane, my back was just as bad, if not worse, than before. We had to spend thousands extra so I could fly business class to get me over the ocean.

I know people were well meaning in their insights, but ultimately their encouragements were hurtful. Job 11.7 "Who can fathom the mysteries of God?" God's ways are so much bigger and greater. God did have plans for us, plans to prosper us, to give us a hope and a future (Isaiah 29.11). 

I'd done my part. I'd always felt called to adopt. I'd even spoken with a pastor and asked if I should pull out in regards to my health but still felt called to move forward. So what was God doing? 

Well... we spent thousands upon thousands on my health and somehow, even after all of that spending, we were able to afford a $40,000 adoption on a mechanic's salary.

During our time in India, while I did have pain, I was somehow able to manage all of the appointments we had to go to with an overall minimal amount of agony and a fairly quick recovery time.

We are home! Five months later we are home with this sweet, sassy three-yr-old who has found her way into the family and cares very much for everyone including "my mommy" as she calls me with the "owy on her back." 

God has been faithful. He has not forgotten us. We made the mistake of going ahead and telling God what to do, rather than waiting for God to show up. I think of Elijah on the mountain looking for God in the fire and the winds but it was in the still, small voice. God has been enough and He will continue to be enough if only I'm willing to accept Him as He appears.