One Year

This marks one full year of, what I would call, intense pain. The discomfort in my back began before then but the real pain started almost exactly a year ago.

>Last year I had been training for the 5/3rd Riverbank Run. I really wanted to "get even" with this run as when I had run it before I had no idea what I was doing and burned out before I even hit the halfway mark and finished far slower than my goal time. Literally two days before the race last year, my back began giving me extreme pain. So extreme, in fact, I could not stand up straight.

By the grace of God, on the day of the race I could at least stand straight and I ran the race and even finished with a relatively decent time. It was a very painful race and I can't help but wonder how I would have done if my back had not been aching, but for those of you who run long distance you can appreciate the satisfaction in being able to finish after the months of training and prep.

Next Saturday I will be knocking on 5/3rd's door again, this time with a different goal in mind. I essentially gave up running this winter to see if it would improve my back. It didn't. So, after meeting with the surgeon who shall not be named, and seeing no immediate change in my future, I felt honestly called by God to lace up my running shoes and take back life as much as I could. It's a strange calling from God. The exact words I felt impressed upon me were, "Get up. Stop crying. Take off your jeans, put on your running tights and go run 5 miles." I didn't want to, but I did. God knows me so well :)

Later that day, a neighbor and friend of mine whom I love texted me and asked if she could train for the race with me. I cannot tell you what a God send this was. Giving myself less than six weeks to train for a 15.5 mile race was crazy so having a friend who was crazy enough to do it with me has made it so much more enjoyable. She is a wonderful, God-fearing woman who has set aside her own training to accomodate me in mine. I am so blessed.

Essentially every morning I wake up in pain. And, if it's not first thing in the morning, it will come soon. I have tried PT, chiropractic, injections, pain meds and a lot of prayer. I am so weary. This morning I cried; I bawled because I am so tired of fighting this pain that will not go away. But I opened my Bible and found this gem waiting for me

1 Cor 5: ⁷ But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

I do not have to be strong, which is good because I am not. I need Jesus. Let me type that again. I NEED JESUS!!!  Every time in so many moment I rely on him. I rely on him to sit through meetings. I rely on him when I have to wait for more than a minute in the grocery store. I rely on him when a friend sweetly corners me in a store or at church, unknowing that every second I stand listening to her small talk my pain increases. I rely on him when I take my boys to the park or zoo or when I lie on the floor to do school with my oldest.

2 Cor 12 "For when I am weak, then I am strong."

This week will be hard as I come to terms with a full year of pain and the knowledege that there is no end in sight. But I have been so blessed through this year by so many of you. Some of you have been a blessing to me and not even known it. 

I know the journey is long and it's easy to forget my pain. But to me, it's daily. So please continue your prayers. 

God is faithful; He will see me through!