Two of my heroes in life are Corey TenBoem and her sister Betsy; their entire lives were filled with sacrifice and spreading the love of Jesus. Their service during WWII was just a culmination or high light of their service. One of their stories that has always stood out to me was when they were spending another uncomfortable, cold, itchy night in the barracks of a concentration camp and Betsy insisted that they give thanks for the biting fleas. Corey was quite put out and wanted to refuse but, in her quiet, gentle way Betsy convinced Corey quoting the scripture, "In everything, give thanks." Corey relented and gave thanks for the fleas. . . . After time had passed the two found out that because of the jumping, biting, make your skin crawl fleas the guards, who normally patrol the barracks, avoided these particular barracks allowing for better fellowship and freedom among the prisoners. There was a reason to give thanks for the fleas.
God has a reason.
When Joe and I submitted our USCIS application to adopt from Ethiopia we were frustrated and stressed out when it was delayed due to an RFE (request for further evidence). However, during the wait we found out about the need in India and decided to switch countries. Had our paperwork gone through without a hitch, the way we had wanted, we would not have chosen to adopt through India and we would not be matched with precious, little Samyuktha.
God has a plan.
Friends, I must admit my human weakness. I want to know how it's all going to work out. I don't like pain. I don't like struggle. I hate stress. I really, really, really struggle with the idea of finding joy in trial.
James 1 Consider it pure joy. . . whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's worth so you will be mature and complete not lacking anything.
I have memorized this verse. I have meditated on this verse. I have prayed over this verse. And I still do not get this verse. I guess you could say I'm still pretty low on the maturity scale, but that's where God's grace comes in. Thank heaven for that!
With all of that, here is the latest. Next week I go in to the Laser Spine Institute in Cincinnati for laser spine surgery on my back. The huge praise is that this is an option; they have looked at my MRI and think that I am a strong candidate to be helped by their procedure. My Uncle Sam had this done a little over a year ago and said it was like a miracle so we are praying for similar results on my end.
More praise is that I have wonderful family and friends (truly wonderful, this is no small exaggeration) who are helping me during the week I am away. One of whom is traveling with me, others who are watching my boys and still others have already offered to help when I come home.
Where I am struggling is fear. Fear that the surgery will fail and we will have wasted time (both mine and the many of you who are helping), and money. I have tried so many things over the past fifteen months that I am afraid to get my hopes up.
Joe and I are also very much struggling with the financial aspect and the timing of it all. Laser spine surgery is considered "experimental" and is therefore not covered by insurance. Because of our adoption we are already "tapped out." We have had to pull some of our precious, "Samy" resources (money we were planning on using to bring home our Indian princess) to pay for the surgery and take out a care credit loan on top of that. We're scared. Why now? Is God faithful? Will He be Faithful? How will He be Faithful?
Yesterday someone posted something on facebook I truly appreciated, it said, "Do you feel like you're drowning? Don't worry, your Lifeguard walks on water!" I needed that.
Yesterday Joe quoted, "Trust in the Lord will all your heart; lean not on your own understanding! In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths."
So we are trusting, with a childlike trust, we are looking up to our Heavenly Father expecting that He will bring us our daily bread each day. Expecting that He will be able to replenish our resources and cause the five loaves of bread and two fish to turn into twelve basketful so we can bring home our Samy.
And we are giving thanks for our "fleas."
"Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for this debt. Thank you for this challenge. We do not understand your will. We do not like it. But we trust you. We believe that you have a plan. Our job is not to trust but to obey."
If any of you feel so called to help with our adoption, I will leave a link below but, above all, please pray. We need prayer most of all! Thank you!
https://www.crowdrise.com/ForemanFamilysIndianAdoption/fundraiser/stephanieforeman1
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Sunday, May 3, 2015
One Year
This marks one full year of, what I would call, intense pain. The discomfort in my back began before then but the real pain started almost exactly a year ago.
>Last year I had been training for the 5/3rd Riverbank Run. I really wanted to "get even" with this run as when I had run it before I had no idea what I was doing and burned out before I even hit the halfway mark and finished far slower than my goal time. Literally two days before the race last year, my back began giving me extreme pain. So extreme, in fact, I could not stand up straight.
By the grace of God, on the day of the race I could at least stand straight and I ran the race and even finished with a relatively decent time. It was a very painful race and I can't help but wonder how I would have done if my back had not been aching, but for those of you who run long distance you can appreciate the satisfaction in being able to finish after the months of training and prep.
Next Saturday I will be knocking on 5/3rd's door again, this time with a different goal in mind. I essentially gave up running this winter to see if it would improve my back. It didn't. So, after meeting with the surgeon who shall not be named, and seeing no immediate change in my future, I felt honestly called by God to lace up my running shoes and take back life as much as I could. It's a strange calling from God. The exact words I felt impressed upon me were, "Get up. Stop crying. Take off your jeans, put on your running tights and go run 5 miles." I didn't want to, but I did. God knows me so well :)
Later that day, a neighbor and friend of mine whom I love texted me and asked if she could train for the race with me. I cannot tell you what a God send this was. Giving myself less than six weeks to train for a 15.5 mile race was crazy so having a friend who was crazy enough to do it with me has made it so much more enjoyable. She is a wonderful, God-fearing woman who has set aside her own training to accomodate me in mine. I am so blessed.
Essentially every morning I wake up in pain. And, if it's not first thing in the morning, it will come soon. I have tried PT, chiropractic, injections, pain meds and a lot of prayer. I am so weary. This morning I cried; I bawled because I am so tired of fighting this pain that will not go away. But I opened my Bible and found this gem waiting for me
1 Cor 5: 7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
I do not have to be strong, which is good because I am not. I need Jesus. Let me type that again. I NEED JESUS!!! Every time in so many moment I rely on him. I rely on him to sit through meetings. I rely on him when I have to wait for more than a minute in the grocery store. I rely on him when a friend sweetly corners me in a store or at church, unknowing that every second I stand listening to her small talk my pain increases. I rely on him when I take my boys to the park or zoo or when I lie on the floor to do school with my oldest.
2 Cor 12 "For when I am weak, then I am strong."
This week will be hard as I come to terms with a full year of pain and the knowledege that there is no end in sight. But I have been so blessed through this year by so many of you. Some of you have been a blessing to me and not even known it.
I know the journey is long and it's easy to forget my pain. But to me, it's daily. So please continue your prayers.
God is faithful; He will see me through!
>Last year I had been training for the 5/3rd Riverbank Run. I really wanted to "get even" with this run as when I had run it before I had no idea what I was doing and burned out before I even hit the halfway mark and finished far slower than my goal time. Literally two days before the race last year, my back began giving me extreme pain. So extreme, in fact, I could not stand up straight.
By the grace of God, on the day of the race I could at least stand straight and I ran the race and even finished with a relatively decent time. It was a very painful race and I can't help but wonder how I would have done if my back had not been aching, but for those of you who run long distance you can appreciate the satisfaction in being able to finish after the months of training and prep.
Next Saturday I will be knocking on 5/3rd's door again, this time with a different goal in mind. I essentially gave up running this winter to see if it would improve my back. It didn't. So, after meeting with the surgeon who shall not be named, and seeing no immediate change in my future, I felt honestly called by God to lace up my running shoes and take back life as much as I could. It's a strange calling from God. The exact words I felt impressed upon me were, "Get up. Stop crying. Take off your jeans, put on your running tights and go run 5 miles." I didn't want to, but I did. God knows me so well :)
Later that day, a neighbor and friend of mine whom I love texted me and asked if she could train for the race with me. I cannot tell you what a God send this was. Giving myself less than six weeks to train for a 15.5 mile race was crazy so having a friend who was crazy enough to do it with me has made it so much more enjoyable. She is a wonderful, God-fearing woman who has set aside her own training to accomodate me in mine. I am so blessed.
Essentially every morning I wake up in pain. And, if it's not first thing in the morning, it will come soon. I have tried PT, chiropractic, injections, pain meds and a lot of prayer. I am so weary. This morning I cried; I bawled because I am so tired of fighting this pain that will not go away. But I opened my Bible and found this gem waiting for me
1 Cor 5: 7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
I do not have to be strong, which is good because I am not. I need Jesus. Let me type that again. I NEED JESUS!!! Every time in so many moment I rely on him. I rely on him to sit through meetings. I rely on him when I have to wait for more than a minute in the grocery store. I rely on him when a friend sweetly corners me in a store or at church, unknowing that every second I stand listening to her small talk my pain increases. I rely on him when I take my boys to the park or zoo or when I lie on the floor to do school with my oldest.
2 Cor 12 "For when I am weak, then I am strong."
This week will be hard as I come to terms with a full year of pain and the knowledege that there is no end in sight. But I have been so blessed through this year by so many of you. Some of you have been a blessing to me and not even known it.
I know the journey is long and it's easy to forget my pain. But to me, it's daily. So please continue your prayers.
God is faithful; He will see me through!
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